The Wake

In the morning, I grind fresh beans make coffee for us.  

I talk to Andy for a bit and share the food people give.

The "Get Well Soon" cards have become "Sorry for Your Loss" cards.

On September 15th, ten days after that terrible morning, his wake was held.  I decided to go back up into Andy's studio and choose a small piece to bring with me.  Andy is known for loving Batman, but I know he really loves Mike Mignola's art, (his favorite Hellboy story is the one-shot "The Corpse" and he loves Mignola's Batman comic "Gotham by Gaslight") so in his giant box of Batman pins I extracted the single Hellboy and fixed it to my black dress.  I put on his watch on my right, the watch he gave me on my left, the vintage diamond earrings he gifted me and added his wedding ring to the first romantic present he had given: a handmade beaded necklace of blue and red.  

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"The blue beads are the ocean, and the red is our love." ~ Andy

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My family picked me up and we drove to the funeral home, where I would see my husband for the first time since leaving him, passed away, in his ICU bed.  We had asked that the casket remained closed.

Andy's favorite music was playing when I arrived in the reception area.  "Is this the playlist I sent?" I asked Matt.  "We added some to it!" he said.

Song after song was perfect.  It was so much better with their contributions.  Mine was just a small reflection of what music he and I shared together.  Through the front room we set up photographs, our wedding album, artwork, comic books and a mini replica of Andy's studio:

The girls also created 4 incredibly beautiful and moving photo boards.  We created a joint album of just Andy's pictures, and I gazed at his sweet face in the eras before I knew him.

Andy at 14, as a new dad, washing Jack the puppy in the sink.  (I knew Jack when he was an old boy, but seeing him tiny in Andy's palms was so sweet.)  I loved seeing more of the boys as babies... as children in their Halloween costumes.  I loved recognizing the same sofas, kitchen doorways and wallpapers.

I even loved seeing a picture of Andy with his first wife.  I am glad he met her and that they had three boys together.  The kids are who they are because of that relationship and I wouldn't want them to be any other way.  I don't want them to look different, sound different, or act different, have different memories or lives.  Things happened in that order, and I'm grateful they accepted me, called me theirs.

 Look at how adorable he is in high school.

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Then, Bruce, our funeral director gave me private time with Andy.  I felt my pulse starting to race as we walked towards the door.  My hands started shaking.  He let me in, and I saw his casket in the center, the side pillars overflowing with flowers people had given us, a stunning arrangement from Ari, his former student, one we built for him with Sally and Renee, and the casket spray, a gift from me.  

Like he asked for every spring, the room was bursting with blooms.  And I broke down and went to him.

I couldn't even kneel at the bench, but had to hold him and kiss the lid, weeping.  I spoke to him for about 20 minutes, the wood and flower scents were clean and fresh, my marks left on the finish.  The kids came in, had time to reflect and talk privately, and we had a family prayer service.  We lined up and guests began to arrive.

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For the next 3 hours, we had a large, steady crowd until the end of calling hours.  It was so deeply moving to greet and talk to hundreds of people:  

Dear friends from my youth (Paula, Jessica, Heather and Jess L, Rich, and Noelle... Joyce and her parents)

Our Art Museum family (like Tim F., Tania, Rafi, Kim and Rob, Elaine, Chuck, Meena, Chad, Antonia, Jan, Ruth, Travis, Stephen B., Tom G., Jim Welu...)

Art students who became friends (like Lindsay and Alex, Sally and Renee, Miriam, Jim, Kendall, Ryan, Keenan, Greg McKenna...)

Fellow artists who became friends (like Scott B., Brett and Syd, Scott N., Brian N., Brian G., Bob and Jen, Britt and his lovely wife, and Dan H...)

The kid's friends (like Mike, Dave H., Soojian, The Dominys, Melissa and Jeff, Andy and Becca,...)

So many people from Andy's life; (Tony and Heather, Mark C., Harah and Hago, Paul T., The Giards, The Borowys, Hank Stolz, Dick and Rose Taylor, The Mastermans, our Boys and Girls Club family like Frankie and Liz, Bill Wallace, Pete our mechanic... ) Our neighbors... (like Aaron, Alex and Jamie, KJ and Jess and the baby, Tony, Stacey, Greg and Gavin)

Our church family (Deacon Jay and Father Niccolls, our Coffee Shop Team Family, John B. and Steve, Kathy H., Carol and Bob, Annie and John, Bill and Kate, Andrea, John, Anna, Nicole and Will, The Walshes, The Ryans, Jim, Beth, Jimmy, Mike, Andrea and George, Cadence and Connor, Deb and Kevin H., Marina, Emily and Bee and Alejandro, Julie and Adam, Lisa and Nate and Mason, Alex and Karen, Pat and Dan... Sarah, Jim, Lucia, Patrick, Maria, and a special moment with James, (dear James who had a close friendship with Andy during his intensive chemo treatment, James who knew Andy's plight so well)...)

Even some of our nurses came to see us!  RNs Hannah, Tom, and Christi visited, all people who I've talked about here and cared for Andy during his darkest days.   

 

We were so overcome with appreciation for it all.  

And so many more I didn't name here, you were in no way forgotten.

Special thanks to our wonderful families.

 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU